Reflection 1 - Consulting Skills

Sitting in front of the computer and recalling what we have discussed in class, the first thing jumps to my mind is the question raised at the begin of the 2nd class meeting, "if I have no say about the implement, then what's the meaning of my work?" If the plan ends up in the shelf, does that mean all my work is in vain?

Well, I do agree that it's so frustrating for a consultant to know that his advise is not taken no matter what's the reason behind it. But I will never take it personal. As long as I have done job step by step, it is the client's problems that he is not ready to take my advice.

Actually everybody was, is, or will be a stubborn client who refuses to take consultant's advice and have to swallow the severe consequence in the end.  For example, when I was young, my parents were my consultants about almost everything. They told me not to play with fire, do not lie, pay attention in class and watch out when going across a street. They are all excellent advices, and I don't see any reason why I didn't listen to them. But the truth was I just ignored them. Probably because I was lazy or exhausted, I cheated once about my homework and got caught. Being caught and punished made me realize that my parents’ advice was right, and I decided to take it seriously.

This is perhaps what’s going on with those clients who decide to leave the plans on their shelves and make no change. They are not ready for the change. The reasons for the absence of readiness lie in various aspects. It can be an economic problem. If the plan will cost a big amount of money at once, some of the manager may not be insightful enough to see the long-term benefit of it and decide to live with the old way which cost less each time but a lot in a long run. Also, it can be the motivation. The manager sees the benefit of the new plan, but the old one still work, and he has other priorities. So he decides to drop this issue for a moment until it becomes an urgent problem. Just like my story, I didn’t pay attention to my parents’ advise until the problem had a huge and direct impact on me. There are some lessons that the client has to learn himself. As a consultant, my job is to provide the resource of the lesson and suggest him to learn. Eventually, he is the one who decides what he is going to learn and how he is going to learn it.  This notion is in accordance with the humanist orientation of teaching. The learner has the right to decide what to learn and how to learn. The Teacher is a facilitator who helps him become the person he wants to be. I consider myself as a humanist, and this is what I believe about effective learning.

However, leaving the choice to the client does not mean less responsibility of the consultant, but, on the contrary, more responsibility. To make sure that the client is going to make the right choice, the consultant has to work carefully on all the steps from establishing relationships to designing the plan. When reading Schein’s book about building the consultant-client relationship today, I thought about one fruitless consultation I had in college. With the consulting skills we have discussed, now I can see the failure was rooted in the very begin.

It was a psychological consult (I am not sure about the English expression). Basically, there was a psychological therapist who was supposed to listen and talk to me, and make me feel better.  At least that’s what in the TV shows. At the middle of my first semester in college, I was upset about my campus life. I had difficulty talking with my friends about my problems, so that there was no outlet for the negative emotions. At that time, what I needed was just a stranger I could talk to frankly without the fear of being judged or discriminated. So I made an appointment with the psychological consultant.

Arriving the consulting room 5 minutes earlier, I found it was still closed. It should be ok to stand outside and wait for a while. But the problem was that it was just next to a classroom, which meant people, especially those who knew me, might see me waiting for a consultation. I wanted to keep it to myself, so I felt so insecure while waiting, worrying about any footstep I heard. After the suffering 5 minute, I entered the room. Thank god, no one saw me.

The room seemed not professional to me, neither the consultant, a middle-aged woman. She asked me to sit on the coach, and she sat on a chair next to the coach. “Why are you here today?” she stared the conversation. “Well, nothing big.” I answered, “I just feel smothered and want to talk to someone who don’t know me.” ”OK. So what’s the problem?” I told her that I felt frustrated about my class. I wanted to have more discussion in class. I wanted to be noticed and heard. But I just couldn’t. Once I said something, I felt the tension in the classroom that some people were getting bored or they just wanted me to stop. I couldn’t share this with my friend because I didn’t thing she would support me on this. Actually, when saying this, I was not sure if this was the real problem. I felt there was something more about my friend that provoked my anxiety, but I didn’t know how to express it, nor feel comfortable enough to express it. I guess this is what Schein means by “test” in the book (P38). Unconsciously, I was testing if the consultant was listening to me and to which degree I could trust her. I wished that she could lead me into a deeper retrospection so that I could identify the real cause of my frustration.

But her comment didn’t work in that way. She said that it was common for freshmen to feel upset about the college life because there was always a huge gap between our expectation and the reality. Also, since the university was not a top-notch one, many students were disappointed to end up here. Then she comforted me by saying things like “this university will help you achieve your dream. Just work hard.” I knew what she said was right. But it was not what I needed at that time. I believed that I had overcome the disappointment and I love my university. This was not my problem. But I didn’t feel like to talk further about how I really felt anymore, because she was not listening. She just put me into the category of students who was disappointed by the rank of the university, and I felt reluctant to argue about it. I said thank you and left the room. Fortunately, no one saw me there.

I think this is a perfect example of the importance of the consultant-client relationship. To build and develop a productive relationship, the key is active inquiry, but not quick judgment. If the consultant really listened to me and guided me to talk more, I was ready to open my heart. Hope that I won’t any mistake like this with my clients.