Consulting Skills in Family Communication

(Continued)

In resent years, since I leave home for my college, the dynamic between my parents and me has changed little by little. Now, when I am in the USA and they cannot just come to see me whenever they are, our relationship is reversed in someway compared to what it was like when I was young and at home. Years ago, my parents was in the domination of our relationship, and I was under their command. It was like the traditional relationship of consultant and client. My parents were the experts, while I was a lost client. However, our position is exchanged. More often, my parents have difficulties catching up with the new trend of technology and other aspects of social culture. Sometimes they will turn to me for help. Therefore, I become the consultant.

One typical example is my parents learning to use mobile device to have online talk with me. They were confused by the new jargons, concepts and devices, and asked me to set everything ready to use before I left. I thought there was no use to explain the procedures of setting and even if I did, they would not understand, so that I set up the all the devices and told them how to turn on the app to call me. In the process I played a role of expert, taking all the responsibility and doing all the jobs for my clients. It seemed to be quite easy and timesaving for me as well as for my parents, and they were pretty satisfied when the problem was quickly solved.

However, it was not the end of the story, and I have to admit that the quick fix is not the best solution since it bears potential problem. About one month after my leaving, my mom called me by phone and told me that the Ipad couldn’t pick up wifi signal at home after the maintenance of the home Internet.  The similar thing had happened before, and I know it just take a few step to set it right. If I had shown my mom how to set the device, she would know how to deal with this situation, or at least less lost when it happened. I was thinking about saving trouble in the beginning, which led to more trouble later. I had to explain the process to them on phone and give oral instruction to help them with the setting, which was much more labored than showing them in person. Although there were several times when I wanted to give up, after a long time of effort, the pad finally picked up wifi signal again. Honestly, I was surprised that although not easy, they got it in the end.

There are mainly two points I learned from this experience. First, focus on long-term effect instead of the short-term one.  For a consultant, immediate solution is usually quite alluring, since it demands less effort and show one’s personal capability. But after the short period, problems underneath the surface will show up again, and the clients will be as lost as they were last time. Second, really try to understand the clients and trust their capability. In my example, I did what I thought would be the best for my parents, and didn’t believe in their ability to deal with technology. However, my perspective was not accurate about how they felt. When I took time to understand their perspectives, I saw much more possibilities within them, which led to the real learning eventually.